I tend to live my life in extremes. I am either doing everything or nothing. For example, I either keep up with emails, blogs, and commitments. Or I let everything build up to a crazy degree and sit staring at everything piling up and I'm unable to do a thing.
I get up at 7:00 am, exercise, hydrate, and eat healthy, or I spiral into a state of immobility, eating junk, and watching obscure youtube videos.
I have a balance problem. I work with constant chaos and sometimes it consumes me. Another aspect of this is I tend to overreach myself. I take on way too many things at once. I pile things up until I'm crushed by it and then nothing gets done, and the depression sweeps in.
This is my typical life cycle, and it's getting tedious. That's understating it a bit, it's killing me actually.
This year, I decided I would start to work on fixing this problem. Or at the very least try to figure out why I did this to myself.
I'm an Empath, I feel deeply for other people. I take on their problems, pain, and even their emotions. This is a good thing, because I understand people on a deep level. It's a bad thing, because I forget I have my own emotions and problems. I put myself last, which I don't think is a bad thing. I like helping people.
I just need to remember to take care of myself too
There is a huge difference between self care and self love. I think this generation is too self centered, so I'm not into the whole 'love yourself ' thing. It's not what the Bible teaches either.
I'm simply talking about breaking unhealthy habits, and taking a breather every now and then. I also need to teach myself that there is nothing selfish about treating yourself with the same care you give to others. Especially when you hit your breaking point.
You're human, it's normal to fall apart and breakdown. Ideally it's better if you don't let yourself to get to that point. So here are some of the things I do to take care of myself.
1. Nothing (okay this probably seems dumb, but by nothing I mean not letting myself do any of the million things I feel like I have to do. Sometimes you have to let yourself relax, completely. Doing this can do wonders for your mental state.)
2. Keep up with your physical health. ( I don't just mean like exercise and diet,but both of those are good too! I was lethargic all the time, turns out I was anemic and need to take iron pills. Something as simple as that can go a long way to improving your life.)
3. Do something for yourself! (Read that book you've been putting off, watch a movie you love, just do something that brings you joy)
4. Finish something (It works better if it's something that you have been putting off for a long time.)
5. Take social media breaks (It's nice to spend more time in the real world.)
6. Pamper yourself a little ( have a nice bath with bubble bars or bath bombs, face mask are super soothing.)
7. If you have a problem try to solve it instead of putting it off.
8. Go get coffee or a tea from your favorite place. (I find this always puts me in a good mood.)
9. Say no, don't commit to too many things. ( This is incredibly freeing)
10. Give yourself time (Just be easy on yourself, your not a machine)
I hope this was a little bit helpful to someone, I'm still learning myself. Self care for me right now is binge watching Anime, so like I said probably not the right person for this.
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This was amazingly helpful, Skye. I think life tends to have such a tendency to spiral into a rat race, and just hearing the words “relax” and “accomplish something meaningful” can set us to bristling. But it’s so important...thanks for the reminder :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! It does, I think this whole generation has a problem with relaxing. It is!
DeleteNo problem, thanks for reading!
:)
I think this post is great! And you pointed out something that I completely agree with and that is there's a difference between caring for yourself and loving yourself. I think, in some instance, we are to love ourselves because God made us, but not in the, "I love myself, I'm so amazing" way. More like because God made me and I appreciate all of Creation way. So I definitely agree with you on that because our generation is becoming more and more self-absorbed. It's sad, really.
ReplyDeleteBut this post is extremely helpful. So thank you. <3
~Ivie
Thanks Ivie! I think it gets really twisted in today's culture and people confuse the two. Definitely, we do need to appreciate that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. It is sad, and I always try to remember that life is so much bigger than me, and my problems.
DeleteGlad you think so! <3
Excellent post, Skye! I think as someone who deals with the highs and lows that makes you a perfectly qualified person to write about it! If someone who hasn’t dealt with it were to try and write a post like this it would fall flat because it would sound fake. So, well done. Im so glad you are finding ways to take care about of yourself. You are a wonderful human being, and deserve to live life free of those terrible lows, and I think you give great advice! Your suggestions are simple and straightforward, and make the utmost sense. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThanks Maddie! Awe, that's super sweet to say. Well I'm glad it didn't come across as flat, I really want posts like these to help people dealing with similar things. It's a work in progress, but it has been working. *hugs* That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a while. Thank you so much, you're a gem!
DeleteAs a fellow Empath, I know your struggle, Skye....I get really emotionally invested in other people to the point of anxiety and depression too, which is not a good thing.
ReplyDeleteThese tips are super helpful, I've done a few of them myself over the years. I probably should do more of them...
You're a special person, Skye! You'll beat these lows, I have confidence in you!
Catherine
catherinesrebellingmuse.blogspot.com
It's rough! Glad that you understand though. <3
DeleteThanks! I should do more of them myself :D
That means a lot!:D Thank you so much! I'm going to try!
This post is just amazing, Skye. You are also an amazing person! I shall be praying that this time will pass.
ReplyDeleteAlso that gif of Zen at the end. :D
Lilah
Thanks Lilah! My sister wouldn't agree with that but thanks for saying it! Prayers are always appreciated. :D
DeleteOmigoodness your an anime fan, eep! I just binged Snow White with the Red Hair, Zen is such a sweetheart. What are your favorites?
Snow White with the Red Hair is one of my very favorites! I also really love Atatsuki No Yona, Ouran Host Club, Kaichou Wa Maid Sama, and Hakuoki. I'm working through Food Wars right now, I really like that one too!
DeleteLilah
I'm very much the same way... Skye, I'm happy you're on this awesome journey of figuring out what's best for you, and how to treat yo' self. You go gurl! :)
ReplyDeleteYAS ANIME What are your faves? (:
Well hopefully we can both find balance. That's a great word for it'a journey' it really does feel like that. Thank you so much! :)
DeleteYes, always excited to meet other anime lovers! Well currently, Snow White with the Red Hair, Ouran Highschool Host Club, Deathnote, The Wallflower, My Little Monster. I have been trying to branch out a but more. What are your favorites?
You ARE qualified because you're trying and learning and feeling the ups and downs and in the very thick of it. That makes you fully and completely qualified. This whole post is REAL and AUTHENTIC and I love it so very much!
ReplyDeleteI live in extremes, too! I'm an all or nothing person, absolutely. I either do alllll the things and nearly kill myself, or sit around and do nothing and let it pile up. THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN! I've been trying really, really hard to balance things out (but I fail so much still).
Your list and thoughts are golden and the very things I've been thinking about as well. This post is so timely! Because we DO need to take care of ourselves, we do need to make sure we don't hit the breaking point. Our body is God's temple and He WANTS us to take care of it. I like how your list has points on resting AND being productive, 'cause that's the key I think. Again, that ever elusive balance thing. Maybe one day I'll get it right! Lol.
But seriously, this post was fantastic! THANK YOU FOR SHARING! <3
I needed to hear that, thank you so much! I'm so glad, whenever I read over my posts I get the urge to delete them. So I'm happy it didn't fall flat.
DeleteIt's a horrible way to live. I hope we both find a way to deal with it, it's a lot of work. You're only human :)
Thanks, you should do a post on it. I would love to hear your thoughts. Oh good! I agree, I've neglected it for so long, and fixing yourself is hard. Yes, that's something I try to remember. I find that too much resting leads to the same result. One day hopefully :D
Thank you so much! I'm just glad you enjoyed it, Thanks for reading! <333
Anime is a fantastic self-care technique. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd this is such a wonderful post! I know for me it can be so difficult to remember that it IS OKAY FOR ME TO REST. I'm 100% type-A, and I hate it when I don't do the things I need to... but if it looks like I'm not going to have time to do ALL OF THEM, my brain shuts down and is like, "Well, we don't have two hours to write, so let's watch YouTube for an hour instead." And like, that's okay, sometimes, if you really need the rest,... but I guess like you said, finding balance is vital, and it's something I've been learning over the past couple of years as well.
One thing I've started doing is giving myself a day off every week. Well, it's really half a day: every Sunday afternoon to evening is mine to do absolutely whatever I want. If I want to write, I write. If I want to read, I read. Lately, I've been getting back into drawing after FOREVER not touching my sketchbook and watching some movies and TV shows that have fallen to the wayside because I just didn't have time for them. I'm forcing myself to take time to rest and recover. And as weird as it sounds, that was hard the first couple of weeks! There was this constant nagging feeling that I was wasting time for daring to take a day. But I mean, God tells us to take time off, so that's a reason if there isn't another one. And I've really found that it makes easier for me to do my work during the week, knowing that Sunday is coming, when those things I don't have time for Monday-Saturday, I can set a few hours aside to enjoy. :)
Again, wonderful post!
Alexa
thessalexa.blogspot.com
verbosityreviews.com
It works wonders :)
DeleteThanks! It's hard to do! I always mean to, but I jump between things so quickly I forget to stop and take a breath. Glad you understand what it's like.
Oh, I love this idea. I think it sounds like a very doable one. God does know best after all! I guess that is part of it too, I need to take time to really enjoy things. Instead of rushing through them.
Thanks again, especially for this lovely comment!
I have several friends (and my mom) that are just like you... doing crazy with this insane drive... then *crash*. I'm more like, always working. But still... never had as much time to actually stop and make sure I'm not driving my life away into oblivion ;p Yes, taking care of yourself is important... and you have some great tips! Social media breaks is sooo good for my eyes (and then my brain) :D
ReplyDeleteIt's awful and common I guess. That's worse, you need to let yourself rest! It is, it can be hard to do sometimes. Thanks! I agree, I've been doing them more and more.
Delete:D
Interestingly enough, I found this post highly applicable to myself, though I am far from being an Empath. My struggle is more of an problem with empathizing. I feel protective of everyone I love, and I am very sympathetic, but actually taking on the joys and pains of others is always an interesting bit of work. A labour of love.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post! Take care of yourself so that you will be better able to assist others. We should be humble and serve others, but our bodies/mind were also gifts and have some intrinsic value of their own, they deserve to be well treated.
I've always wondered if people who aren't em path's struggled with the same kind of things. Maybe just in a different way. Well it sounds like you've found a better balance with it. I don't understand people who don't have sympathy for others. It is! That is always how I try to think of it, a labour of love.
DeleteThank you! Exactly, you can't help others if your falling apart yourself. I completely agree!
So I'm supposed to be being productive and not still browsing through the archives here, but then I saw this and was just like "imagonnareadthis. just one more."
ReplyDeleteI've a lot of friends who are Empaths, so I know what you're talking about there. I feel like I have to watch out for them because . . . I know them. They do what everyone else wants them to, try to live up to all the expectations, make everyone else happy, worry about everyone's problems, say yes to everything, and stretch themselves thin. And I sometimes recognize the signs before they recognize the signs? And I want to be there to encourage them and let them know that they aren't awful humans, that it's ok to have emotions both for others and some of their own, that this is not the end of the world, etc. etc. when they fall into that pit of breathing-is-hard-enough. That tends to be a little difficult though because when I try to tell them this I usually have to contact them via text, email, or phone call (that latter is my last resort as most of my friends and I hate talking on the phone XD). And those kinds of things are the things that Empaths shove away when they're in that state. I try to give them space too. As someone who cherishes their own privacy, I understand that space is very important. Especially when you are where you are because too many people invaded too close to your emotional state without thought for your emotional state. So I keep trying to balance the giving them space and the trying to communicate to them that they aren't a failure and other true positive things that I know other people around them are denying. I keep trying to balance what they want and what they need and wishing that I had telepathy. Gosh, it's funny. But not funny.
I do relate to some of this though. A few years ago, I found out I'm most likely anemic as well. If I go three days or longer without taking iron pills, I'm walking around in a fog. It's like I'm not even here. I also have had to teach myself to say no (I was brought up with the mindset to always say 'yes' because that's putting others first and having a servant's heart, which is not a bad thing at all, but too much is always too much). Since moving, I've stopped being involved in anything, in church or anything else. I definitely could not keep up with it during college and work, but also I needed a break from what I was doing before. (Seriously, God is always trying to get me to rest. It sounds stupid, but rest is a lesson for me. I have to learn how to do it.) Outside of being five minutes late, I have good work ethic (I don't say this to brag, it's kind of a bad thing for me actually). Thing is, throughout my work history, most of my employers take advantage of my work ethic, and I say 'yes' to everything that's asked of me. I burn myself out and then wonder why I can't function like a normal human being. Instead of slowing down, I just push myself more and then do something stupid like falling asleep while driving. I have to tell myself I'm allowed to say "no." And I've been doing that at my work place more. When something needs to be done, there's one manager who always comes to me first and asks me to do it because he knows I'll follow through and do the thing. I've told him no a couple times, usually because I'm already doing something else that needs to be done as well. I've also had to teach myself to stand up for myself (something I'm still learning), and this seems to be part of it.
"your not a machine" XD One of my friends is ALWAYS telling me this. Actually, she's one of my Empath friends. (We're always trading off telling each other "I'm sorry to inform you, but you're not a robot yet" for different reasons.) Also, going to my favorite coffeeshop is one of the best ways to recharge! It's so relaxing, the atmosphere is great, and, um, coffee is an obvious win. I like to go for a walk as well. Sometimes I'm in a bad mood because I've been sitting down most of the day and haven't moved enough. I can be very fidgety, and prolonged sitting tends to make my back ache. Being a writer and reader doesn't help as they are more the sitting down sort, so I have to remember to get up sometimes. Pacing while reading helps. (Pacing and writing? Not so good XD) Also, I know a lot of people scoff at the concept of buying flowers because you're killing the flowers (but, dearie, watch me stab a character, then you can cry). But buying flowers for myself (even the cheap ones) makes my day amazing. I am on the moon. I take a ton of photos and book photos. I'm probably the most thankful person alive. I won't stop smiling. I don't know why. It's really stupid and childish. But whatever works. . . XD
DeleteAnd then there are those days when I feel bad or sad, and I don't know why I feel this way, but I WANT to feel sad. It's strange. But whatever. Just put on some sad music, stare at the ceiling, and think about Adam Parrish's life. Buy flowers tomorrow.
PS-- this is in two parts because Blogger told me that I write too much. I contest thee, Blogger! There is no such thing.
I do stuff like that all the time, procrastination and me are super close. Thanks for reading through the archives, I mean sometimes I read old posts and I'm like Ewww this is awful. So the fact that you seem to enjoy reading them means a lot.
DeleteI wish I knew more, I feel very alone sometimes. I seemed surrounded by people who don't really understand the empathy I have. It's nice that you understand. Or are trying too, most people don't bother. I do the isolation thing a lot, it really gets on people nerves. I have a lot of people who rely on me and my energy gets zapped up pretty quickly these days. So I have to cut them off, it's a hard thing to explain to people. You understand though and that makes you a valuable friend for people like me. :D It'is kinda funny.
It sucks, but at least we know what is is know. Yes, I feel like I'm being selfish when I say no. I've been doing it more often and it is causing waves in a lot of my relationships. People don't like to hear it. That one is a boundary issue. Rest is so important, I've been realizing that more and more now. I understand it's rough because if you are good at something and willing people will take advantage of that, and rely on you more. That's good, I'm glad your doing that.
My friend and I do the same thing, we always lecture each other for doing the same thing. I need to try to be more active too, most of the stuff I enjoy doing involves sitting. I buy myself coffee does that count. Photo's always put me in a better mood too. It's not stupid or childish, it's nice. XD
I get like that too, it leads to a lot of emotional writing and sad music and being emo. I love that boy!
How dare you Blogger, the limit doesn't exist.