February Recap

February was weird month. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't exactly productive either. It was my month to work on my mental health, and I mean actually work on it. I went to at least five different doctors appointments. Which for someone who never goes it felt excessive.

Health

 I got my eyes checked, and found out it had been three years since my last exam. It felt like a year, in my defense. Thanks to a lot of prayer, my prescription didn't change. It's already pretty bad and I didn't want it to get worse. Since it's stayed the same, I might be able to get laser eye surgery. Which sounds pretty good considering how much contacts cost.

My x-ray results were good. There is nothing wrong with my sinuses, another answer to prayer.

On the anxiety front, it's been a mixed bag. My mom found this vitamin supplement or something called Zerenity and it's helped not only my anxiety but it balances my moods. Which has been amazing, neither of us want me to go on medication and this has been working so far. There are no side effects and it's all natural, so I highly recommend it to anyone who's dealing with that.

I did have a 30 minute panic attack before I started taking the supplement. I didn't even really realize that it was a panic attack at first. I just thought I was dissociating. It scared me, I broke down. My sister sat with me and my dad put on National Treasure to help me calm down. ( That's sounds weird, but I asked him to. I had been wanting to watch it all week, and it worked so.)

I felt like I was dreaming but I knew I was awake. Everything was too loud, too bright, and I couldn't understand quite what people were saying, it was like they were distant. I kept digging my hands into the table to try to feel something. Drinking and eating weren't helping and I felt really nauseous. That's when the panic set it, I kept thinking that I was going to feel like this forever. Which sounds melodramatic but at the time, nothing felt real. I can't even explain how terrifying that was.

I ended up balling my eyes out, and holding my sisters hand through the whole movie, I didn't feel normal again till about halfway through.

The worst part is I don't know what caused it, that's kinda how panic attacks work. I thought I'd share this just in case someone else is dealing with it.

I'm getting better, a lot better.


Media

The best part of February was discovering The Umbrella Academy.

I have a great story about that. My dad likes to put on shows while he works, so I went to ask him a question and he was watching the first episode. I knew nothing about this show besides seeing one picture of it on Netflix. I saw someone move across the screen and ran over practically screaming, I was like. "IS THAT?"

My dad was like, "Oh this is new, and who?"

I paused his show and blabbered on about what was this, and that's Robert Sheehan!!! He's wearing guyliner! What is he even wearing!  I love this! I can already tell he is going to be my favorite.

Cue my dad being like, "Him? He's a loser and a drug addict. You won't like him."

Then my sister who had came in without either of us knowing and pipes up. " Are you kidding me, that's her type."

My dad is now disappointed but not surprised.

And I learned that my sister knows me even better than I thought she did.

So we binged watch it together, and bonded over our mutual love of Klaus, Number 5, and Diego.
We both love dysfunctional families, shows with good soundtracks and aesthetics. It took over our lives basically.

I've been doing tons of art for it. ( Another trashcan emo for me to love.)

Will probably be drawing lots of this one. Also drawing almost a picture a day really does improve your art and speed. Need to apply this tactic to writing.

We also took personality quizzes and I got Five for my mine, and my sister got Klaus. I was being all over dramatic about that until we took the soulmate quiz and she got Diego and I got Klaus.

Sorry for fangirling, I am obsessed.


Life

I took a week long screen break, and I thought I was going to hate it, but besides having my usual avenues to listen to music. I was fine, I actually enjoyed it. I didn't write like I meant to, but I read maybe over 10 books and reviewed them. I suddenly realize why I used to be able to devour 500 page books in a day. I got my life organized and spent some quality time with my family. I started playing piano again and learned how to play Iris by Goo Goo Dolls and the first page of Waving through a Window.

I have a lot more time, when I remove the distractions, so I'm going to try to do that once a month.

Of course I missed things like Instagram and Blogger because stuff like this happens on there.
Just a collection of things that made me smile and or cry like a baby.

I don't know what to do when people do nice things, that is all!


 Oh, I found this while I was cleaning my room and I thought it was cool enough to share. This is part of  Falling Snow that I wrote on a napkin while sitting in the car, it changed a bit when I added it in the story. But  I don't think in that moment I ever thought this story would be in print. So basically don't quit, even if it seems like absolute trash to you.

Just in case you can't read my writing. I barely can so...

"Nice place," he said with obvious sarcasm as he took in the sunburnt exterior.

"Looks don't seem to be high on the list here, " I mumbled as the wind hit me. I was freezing but made no move towards the door. 

He seemed to notice this...

Riveting stuff I know.

Well that was basically my month, I did a lot of crying, drawing, and listened to lots of depressing music. How was yours?