Know the Novel Part 2- Linkup

This is a link-up created by the magnificent and ethereal Christine  

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I didn't really have a post planned for today so this worked out splendidly.

1.How’s the writing going?

*Blinking wildly and laughing* Ummmm. Not good! I don't think I will ever do Nano again, simply because everything I'm writing is horrible. I'm not being modest or anything it's bad. I also feel like I'm dying, so there's that. That sounds really negative, I have had a few really good days. Writing everday has actually been a great habit, and it does get easier the more you do it.

The quality of the writing itself has been consistent though.

2. What’s been the most fun aspect about writing this novel so far?

Oh, these are hard. Probably the sarcastic inner monologue I have with myself as I'm writing. Like...

Oh so your going with that cliche how original.

How many times are you going to use the term 'seems to be' to add to your word count?

You don't even know your own characters names! This bodes well for your plot.

That has never been used as motivation for betrayal before.

Bloody Freaking Frick Frack Fantastic!

3. Has your novel surprised you in any way?

It's incredibly cliche, which was a surprise. Despite my best intentions, I can't seem to fix it.

4. What do you think of your characters at this point? Who’s your favorite to write about?

I'm a bit annoyed and delighted by all of them. They all have different personalities so that's been fun. Cynfael, he is my favorite. He is always plotting and vying for Snow's attention which has been fun to write. He's horrid, but we get along. 

5. If you were transported into your novel and became any one of the characters, which one do you think you’d be? Would you take any different actions than they have?

I guess I would be Snow, because she's the only human. I would probably never have gone to Rookshire. The Fae are not to be trifled with.

6. Give us the first sentence or paragraph and then 2 (or 3!) more favorite snippets!

-Smoke filled the air, and my lungs. A slow poison I chose to indulge, among a few other vices.

I didn't want to even look but I actually found some.

-I snatched the pearls back, fracturing her pleased face into one of surprise and shock.

"Cynfael." Her tone held a warning, like the edge of a sharpened knife.

I tilted my head, rubbing the pearls like a rosary, "Mother." My voice matched hers in severity. I was putting all of her admonishments and lessons to good use. I took in her perturbed expression with pleasure. I had never been able to catch her off guard.

- Despite what she thought, I wasn't worth saving and I never had been.

- I poured her a glass of whiskey, the last thing I needed was another distraught woman on my hands.

- I kissed her cheek. Her tears were salty and cold, I took my cigarette back from her. I knew all her uses and they had run their course, but I wasn't going to tell her that. In this state she might throw herself out the window, and that would be more then I could deal with.

7. Have you come across any problem areas?

Pretty much the whole thing!

8. What’s been your biggest victory with writing this novel at this point?

When I reached 25K that was the moment I realized I could do it.

9. Be honest, have you killed any characters off yet?

One, kinda she is a side character. There is still time...

10. Take us on a tour of a what a normal writing day for this particular novel has looked like. Where do you write? What time of day? Alone or with others? Is a lot of coffee (or some other drink) consumed? Do you light candles? Play music? Get distracted by social media (*cough, cough*)? Tell all!

I usually don't start writing till noon. I let myself be a bit lazy in the morning and try to prepare for all the writing. I usually down a large coffee. I don't have a desk so my bed or the floor has been my places lately, or sometimes in the car in a notebook or in my phone notes. I can write with others around as long as I have headphones. I write better alone. Oh gallons of coffee or tea or soda! I haven't lit candles yet, but that sounds nice. Music is a must, I usually listen to like 4 songs on repeat. Pinterest is distracting but also useful.

Sorry if this all came across as cynical or self deprecating... I am small and angry.

A Very Late Language of World's Link Up

I meant to do this on time. I really did, but my life got really slow. Then all a sudden I got hit with a million things and was left holding on to what was left of my sanity.

I'm doing it now, even though this linkup is already on the next part oops!

Before I start that I have good news I finished the last of my revisions!!! Hopefully Anne and Co like everything I added and changed. It's been quite a ride with this story it started at 20,000 words, after revisions it was 25,000 words, and now it's sitting at 26,000 and something words. I'm happy with where it is now! There were moments... lots of tear filled moments.

I also finished Driver's Ed and booked my test, so fingers crossed for that.

I finished Chayse's picture too! It's not quite what I envisioned but, it matches the grungy circus aesthetic. Now I can start on Snow's.

Onto the link up.

 The amazing Liv created this linkup, be sure to go check out her blog.

1. Introduce your character and his/her story!

His name is Cynfael, and he is an absolute menace. I'm writing his story now, which is the only reason I chose him for this.

He is the bastard son of the Northen Fae's King. His position in his father's court is a precarious one, and he has no delusions about what little power he holds. His sister is being groomed to take over for his Father. Which has caused some friction between them. His family has no love for each other past what they can use the other for. He has managed to keep himself useful so far.

2. What does he/she (your character) look for in a friend? Consciously or subconsciously?

He isn't in the habit of making friends. If he was to make one, it would be part of some scheme or plot. He would look for someone gullible and trusting.

3. If he/she could study any foreign language, what would it be?

He can speak a range of different languages, and has a recent problem of swearing at me in Latin. 

4. Which person from the Bible would he/she be besties with? Why?

Being honest here, Rahab. They have a lot in common.

 5. If he/she were to visit you for a week, what would you do together?

Imagining this is terrifying. I feel like he would want to go to some parties, but the fancy ones mind you with champagne, the good kind. He would probably try to get me to smoke and succeed. I would probably try to get him drunk and have a heart to heart.

 I'd then take him for coffee and he would complain. 

He wouldn't last a day with me to be honest, he'd find some high society friends and ditch me. 

6. What is his/her ideal future?

He used to have an idea about that, about her. Of course he learned quickly that anything can be taken from you, so he really only thinks of revenge and elevating his social status.

7. If he/she were to spend a weekend alone, what sort of pastimes would he/she pursue?

Being a cad, and that's all I will say.

8. If you could send your character a care package, what would be in it?

A Bible, nicotine gum, an apology letter, and a poisoned apple

9. Is there a song that describes your character's journey?

So many, he has his own playlist at this point. The one I really like for him, has one bad word in it regrettably, and I can't find a clean version. Most of the rest I've already posted on here. Here's one I recently found. It really explains his life and family.

10. What is your character's place in the story (hero, antihero, villain, sidekick, etc.)?

Cynfael's kinda hard to pin down, he started as a villain, that became an antihero and everyone seems to think of him differently. 

I hope this was amusing for someone.

Art is Pain

I'm going to preface this post, by telling you guys I plan on taking a break. I need one, I have spread myself too thin and I want to simplify my life for a bit. I'm almost through with my edits on 'Falling Snow.' I can't wait until I can say I'm done them. I'm very close.

I think I'm going to try and enjoy my summer and not push myself to do a million things. Maybe I'll read some books, make some art. I'll probably still be around, just won't be posting.

I've been watching a lot of inspiring movies lately. Trying to stay inspired to work on my story mostly.

One that really inspired me was 'I Can Only Imagine'

It's such a sad and inspiring story and really shows how God can make beauty out of our pain. It really touched me. It's about dreams and I suggest anyone who has had one to watch it. It's also a true story so that just makes it a 100% better.

One of the things it really got me thinking about was how pain plays such a big role in art. The things that touch and resonate with people are usually emotionally based and come from our vulnerabilities, fears, and insecurities. At some point in this movie, the main character is told he needs to put more emotion into his music and be more authentic, if he wants to stand apart. The song that gets him noticed comes after he goes through something incredibly painful. The song itself is beautiful and touches so many people.

This got me wondering how many successful books, movies, music, and art all had similar origins. We don't always get to hear the story behind these things and I'm inclined to think that a lot of people drew on their pain when they crafted their pieces.

I made this assumption based on personal experience. The only bit of success I've gained with writing so far. Was with a story I wrote while struggling with a lot of personal issues and demons. I was in pain a lot of pain. And I poured that into a short story that I didn't think had a chance at reaching the second round. I used it to tell a story, one that ended up getting noticed. One that will hopefully resonate with people. I guess my point is, you can craft your darkness and pain into a tool. You can use your pain. God uses your pain.

 Maybe not everyone will get that from it. (I'm actually hoping most won't). I hate being vulnerable and I hate people seeing behind my mask. At the same time, I want to help people dealing with the same things. I want them to know they aren't alone.

The main point I'm trying to make is.

Use it, use your pain.

10 Ways I Procrastinate

I really tried to get a post up last week, but I was just overwhelmed in so many ways and I didn't want to whine. So I decided not to post at all. Very adult of me I know.

Most of life lately, is me pretending to do edits while doing anything else. I hope you guys can relate to that. I really don't want  to be the only one.


1. Cleaning 

This one isn't the worst, because it does need to get done. It's productive in a way and gives me the satisfaction of accomplishing something, even if that something is not what I should be focusing on.


2. Sitting on the computer.

I basically sit there, pretending to write or edit. I tell everyone that's what I'm doing, but I'm probably on Pinterest or Youtube. The benefit is the illusion that your working, and everyone believing it.

 3. Dancing

This only happens when no one is around. I blast crappy music, that I would never admit to listening to and sing and dance my heart out. It's incredibly cringe inducing.

4. Random crap.

This can be anything from staring at the roof to ripping up paper.

5.  Watching TV and claiming it's for research.

This one explains itself. I have so many shows, it's actually ridiculous.

6. Creating new characters and worlds.

This is always more fun then working on the current ones. It also gives me another reason to use Pinterest.

7. Eating

This is the most common way I procrastinate, it is a terrible habit. Don't recommend.

8. Reading or Re-reading

I like to get lost in other peoples worlds when my own is being difficult. I usually re-read my favorite stories, Howl's Moving Castle, Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom, Jackaby, The Raven Boys. To name a few.

9. Drawing or Painting

This another thing that is at least productive. I love creating things.

10. Whining and Venting

It's embarrassing to admit this, but I do a lot of this. I hope I'm not the only one. I feel like writing is 10% doing it and 90% avoiding it.

Post Contest Happenings

I've been meaning to write about this for awhile. To be honest, it's a bit hard. My emotions are still scrambled about everything. I'm still trying to make sense of it. I'm so dramatic, my goodness.

I'm also up to my eyeballs in edits, so bear with me. To be honest, most of me editing is watching youtube, tv, and eating. Maddie sent me this the other day, and it's so perfect.

 First off, I'm really happy that I didn't win this contest the two previous times I entered, because I wasn't ready. Emotionally or mentally, and obviously my writing wasn't quite there yet either. I also have been able, to take a step back from my writing and look at it more objectively. I don't take critiques personally which was not the case a year ago. 

So this all happened at the perfect time. There is a post in here about God's timing that I should probably write. Another time, even though I am better than I've been with my writing. I still wasn't prepared for all that winning meant.

Anne was right when she said the journey was just beginning for us.
The first thing you receive after winning besides the confidence boost, praise, and a fabulous cover is a timeline.

Which was all amazing by the way and made me cry for practically a week. I'm lying, I'm still crying.

After the weekend we got our timeline. That wasn't too overwhelming, Anne included a really nice note and some encouragement. It was basically an overview of everything that was going to happen and when, up to the release. Along with a small list of things we could work on like author bio, dedication, and author picture.

These things weren't as easy to write as I thought. The author bio was the worst and I took awhile on it. Talking about yourself in third person is weird. I went back and forth on the dedication. I'm happy that everything is done in that regard.

We got a full month after that to basically relax and savor the win, before we were sent the edits. I'm  part of a group chat with the other winners. We all kind of freaked out when we got the edits. They are all super nice, its great to have a place to go to talk out about edits and stuff.

I had just seen Infinity War the night before, so my mental state was a mess I'll admit.

I was a bit freaked, when I first went through the edits, not because I was upset by them. I actually agree with most of them, but just at the sheer amount of work I have ahead of me. They send you a line edit, which wasn't bad and actually made me laugh a few times at how inconsistent my writing can be and some honestly funny comments made by the editors.
That's what I get for writing a majority of this story at night, covered in chip crumbs and lying on the floor. Just hold on to that mental image, because it still applies.

 I have eight big revisions that I need to work through. I'm not sure how many the other winners got, but I like to image that mine was the most extensive, mostly because I am a drama queen.

So far I've gotten through three of them. Well thanks to Anne, of course! She is one of the sweetest people by the way. You can tell that she really cares about our stories and us. She is always there with a boost of encouragement, brainstorming help, and puts me at ease about everything. All the while writing 5,000 words a day in her own book and I presume having a full day on top of that. She is fantastic and I'm in awe of her.

It's funny because none of the things I thought were going to be problematic were. I still have plenty to worry about though. I need to develop Snow more as a character, apparently I write better guy characters,who knew? The romance between Chayse and Snow needs work too, I guess me trying to come of as subtle turned out more like indifference. Which makes a lot of sense.

I have to tighten up my ending and possibly take out one of Chayse's abilities. All of this is way harder then it sounds.

I have gotten through one chapter and a good deal of the second one, so far. I have all the little edits done and just the bigger stuff that is tied to the revisions left. I also just started utilizing the 5,000 words. It's exciting! 

I am worried that I will procrastinate and not finish in time. Alas, I shall do it!

Funny things my parents have said to me in regards to all this.

"You can't be depressed, you won a contest!" -My Mom, rather incredulously. I might add.

I was moaning that I needed help.
"Mentally or Emotionally."- My Dad with the most deadpanned expression.


"I love it! Not just saying that because I'm biased, while maybe a little."- My Dad, about my writing.

I was gushing, because someone had said something nice about my story. "Well you're talented dummy."- My Mom, tough love is the only love my family understands.

I was freaking out that my romance failed. 
"You, of all people, have no business writing a romance. You hate love."- My Mom, she's right by the way.


Anyway hope you guys enjoyed that peek into the process. I almost didn't get a post out today. Been trying to write this for a week. I just can't seem to do anything.

Creative Exhaustion and Other Atrocities

I have been trying to write a post all week. Nothing, I've got nothing. I didn't know it was possible, but I think I have finally exhausted my creative resources. Maybe I just need some sleep, or to let myself breathe for a minute. I'm not very good at that, I am constantly told I need to relax.

Ahem....

So I might be a little uptight. I am anxiously awaiting my edits from Rooglewood Press, I am both excited and scared. I reread my story, well skimmed it. I can't seem to see past the flaws, so I'm happy I will be getting professional editing help with it.

I also found out that I'm allowed to continue using my characters and world in other stories. I had already started a sequel for it, Fool's Bet. So I got this great idea to try and finish the first draft before 'Falling Snow' is published, so I can release it shortly after it.

After doing the math, I decided that 500 words a day would suffice. I know, 500 words is nothing to most of you. I am, however, an inconsistent writer, or maybe I should say a very particular one. I overthink every line to death, erase, and rewrite as I go along. My first drafts are more like most people's second drafts.

I'm a perfectionist, so nine days of five hundred words has worn me out. I also can't read anything I've written, because it's awful. I'm not even being modest.

I'm going to share the parts I like, which is maybe five sentences.

As my teeth pierced my gums, the sharp tang of fresh blood hit my tongue. This was the last time he would make me bleed.- Cynfael

Cigarette smoke added to the mix, every dwarf seemed to have one dangling from their mouth.  For a moment I could pretend nothing had changed. It was just another night. Snow would be practicing on the high wire, and I would watch her dance across it. Thinking things I had no business to.-Chayse

He was a razor blade, sharp and alluring. To touch him was to accept the risk of getting cut. I was already bleeding.-Snow

So I've been writing. Which is a good thing I guess, but I've seemed to forgotten how. I think it's insecurity. After this contest was over, people started saying how they couldn't wait to read my story which was and is amazing. It's everything I've always wanted! I'm incredibly grateful, you have no idea.

But, there is this small voice telling me that maybe I don't deserve it. My story isn't good enough. I know it's stupid, but it doesn't stop me from thinking it. It's showing in my writing, I'm starting to doubt myself. No one gets it, they expect me to be over the moon. Which I am! 

Self doubt is a hard beast to fight. 

 That basically catches you up. I've been doing a lot of praying and work lately. I always used to be hesitant to call my writing and art work, but it is. It's mentally draining and I wish more people realized that. 

I promise to have a more coherent and interesting post next week.